69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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