i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
