their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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