Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
