man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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