Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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