How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
