I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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