Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
