Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
