i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
