OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
