Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
