I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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