I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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