Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
