You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
