Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
FUCK WHALES
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
