My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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