Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
