I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
