Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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