do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
