Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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