Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize