Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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