forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
