im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
