The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
