she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
