so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
