saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
