3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
