is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
