Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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