Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
