Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My hand turned me down
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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