On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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