it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
