I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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