why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
