You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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