There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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