we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize