mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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