his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Can you repeat that, but with context?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
