apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my shit smells like andre
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
