Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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