she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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