I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
