I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize