I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
