Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
