I accidentally had phone sex last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
