i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
