Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
