You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
