apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
