she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He? As in you personified your dick?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
