Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
