I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
