Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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