If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
