i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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