Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

Moan for me like Helen Keller

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(704): View more from North Carolina

i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background

(1-704): View more from North Carolina

hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god

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(253): View more from Washington

For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.

(1-410): View more from Maryland

I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.

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(516): View more from New York

i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.

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(915): View more from Texas

Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.

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