Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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