I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
