You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
