Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
