The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
