Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is the high leading the old right now
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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